Michael's Guide To: driving a red/orange MG that hasn't been driven for a while [probably 3-4months]

The story begins with an MG, a bright orange/red one that has been deemed un-drivable due to a carburettor float that wouldn't float [it works in the same manner as the float in your toilet]. This un-float caused the carb to flood with fuel [as a precaution to prevent the engine from going boom the excess fuel is "pissed" out of the carb] this instantly transformed the MG into a rolling molotov cocktail. Added to this problem was a leaking gas tank. So no matter which end you lit the candle it would be a disaster. All of these complications lead to the MG being parked since April. Now because a car [especially one that old] just can't be turned on after sitting there for so long, here is a list of some stuff to check up on before you head out on a long journey to the mechanic.

Chapter 1: Stuff to do before you store a car

• Empty the Tank. If you're not like me and were not planning on making the MG stay parked for so long, ensure the gas tank is empty/near empty. This is because gasoline decomposes if just left there by itself. This is especially evident with gasolines containing ethanol [mmmmm good ole' E10]. Because we filled up the tank expecting a long trip, we just had to throw in some magic elixirs to help slow down decomposition.
• Disconnect the Battery: When a car is not doing anything, magical electrical gremlins steal small amounts of electricity from the battery which it uses to keep the car's clock in check. When a car is parked for long periods the electricity theft becomes more evident and in some cases prevents the car from starting. Disconnecting the battery is the recommended route to take, if you're too lazy to do this then you can just start the car every now and then to recharge the battery. If you're too lazy to do that buy a battery tender which automatically recharges the battery.

Chapter 2: Preflight checklist

• Check the documents: Yea important documents for the car tend to magically expire while it's just parked there. We got the insurance expiry special.
• Check the fluids: Oil, coolant, brake fluid, power steering fluid, windshield washer fluid etc. Amazingly despite the MG's chronic oil leaks, all was well in the oil sump!
• Brakes: Brakes have a magical tendency to either stick or not stick when stored too long. Heavily suggested to avoid 0-100-0 tests.
• Check the Tyres: Tyres tend to deflate when just sitting there. MG only had a soft left rear tyre.
• Check your mirrors: these things have a habit of not staying in one spot. Look forward to repeating this step over and over especially when you have googly eyes for mirrors.
• Plan your route: The MG has a really bad allergy to traffic and so do I. The MG does not come with AC [unlike the Rav 4 which just got it!] nor does it come with a functioning cigarette lighter [so you can't plug in your Price Mart fan to help with ventilation] as a result ventilation is all provided by ye olde breeze. Unfortunately ye olde breeze only works when the car is moving, so if you want to feel what hell is like on a Sunday afternoon, drive through Half Way Tree around midday in an MG top up [top down will just give you sunburn]
• Top Up: Check credit and phone battery life, chances are if you're driving an MG it will go all PMSish in a flash and cool and calm the next second. You may never know when that PMS rage will last forever.
• Leave out early: A breakdown is not expected so plan your route in such a way that if you breakdown, there is enough time to be either towed to your destination or take a bus. [Weirdly enough the bus is more comfortable and you won't reach your destination on fire]
• Get a backup: A backup driver following close behind helps. Its interesting to note that the MG has a tow hook up front while the Rav 4 has a tow hook around the back [soulmates?]
• Test Drive: Just to ensure you won't crash it in public. Do this primarily to get familiar with the gears. Reaching for 5th gear in a 4 gear car will give you nightmares :S

Chapter 3: The first mile [assuming you haven't crashed as yet]

• Check the gauges: It is fact that I check the MG's gauges more than I check the road. It is also fact that the gauge cluster is larger than the windscreen. This is not an element of style, it is an emphasis of priorities. After getting acquainted with the car, you will be able to estimate what the gauges are saying from using your senses. If you feel your feet are getting really hot, the engine is overheating. If you smell something flammable chances are the MG is running in top order. For today's trip all the gauges said coolbeans.
• Check the mirrors: again. A stiff suspension plus manual mirror adjustment means that the mirrors act all googly eyed after a while. During the journey you may wonder why all of a sudden your rear view mirror shows up a magnified view of your crotch.

Chapter 4: Reaching the destination [assuming you're not on fire yet]

• Check if you are on fire: OK cool, no fire
• Don't leave the ignition on: There is a debate going on in the classic car club as to how the original layout of the MG's ignition system was. At first it was "O yes this used points and condenser" then it was "O no this didn't use a resistor" then it was "Why did you change it!" No matter what we did the coil kept on overheating, preventing the car from starting. The electrician suggested we avoid keeping the key in the ignition, it worked.
• O snap it won't start: Touch the coil, if it just burnt a hole in your hand, wait for it to cool down. If not just stare at the engine, it may get intimidated and start up back.
• Hmmmmm Rain Clouds: Go home fast

Chapter 5: The journey/detour back home [assuming your death stare at the engine restarted it]

• Go for lunch: Driving an MG with no power steering or AC is hard work.
• Parking in public: Lock the glove compartment but keep the doors open. Trust me you don't want them to cut through the roof for 5 dollars on the seat.
• Rehydrate: All the water that was inside of you has magically migrated to your armpits. Refill and Refuel. Tip, don't drive an MG to an interview. :(
• Is that Rain?: Avoid it! If you can't, prepare your rag so as to wipe the condensation that will block the windshield. Also don't act surprised when the wipers go on strike.
• OMG is that water on the road!: AVOID!!!!!
• Yea so I drove into to water and the car stalled: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DO NOT RESTART! Water in an engine is like pouring cement in your shoes. [I don't know how but I'll make this analogy work later]

Chapter 6: Home [assuming you didn't restart the engine]

• Rest: Go to bed, go directly to bed, do not cover up car, waste time till you regain energy
• Cover back up the car and pat yourself on the back: Victory is yours.

Of course if it was the Rav4, there would be one step which would involve turning the ignition key.

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